Only 27 Months?

I could be wrong but I think the majority of people, upon first hearing about the 27 month commitment, wonder why Peace Corps service is for such a long stretch of time. More than two years? That seems like overkill. Wouldn't one year suffice?

I personally didn't have a problem with the two year commitment in the beginning. One of the many reasons I wanted to join the Peace Corps was to become fluent in Spanish and I knew that I would certainly not be able to do that in less than a year and would probably need quite a bit longer. My brain rocks at many things, but language is not one of them. So I committed myself to two years without thinking too much about it. I mean, who am I to say what the most effective length of time will be when working in grassroots development?

Well, now that I have been here almost 23 months I feel like I know enough to have an opinion and I finally understand why Volunteers are asked to serve for 2 solid years in their communities.

They told us when we first got here that it would go fast. They told us that we should not have high hopes of accomplishing much in our first year, and certainly not in our first three months. They told us to focus on integration, on getting to know our communities, our community leaders, and the language. They told us these things but we were only partially listening. They told us that we would be most effective in our second year, after we had the "lay of the land" and could communicate well. And that it wasn't until near the end of our service that we would really begin to see our efforts come to fruition. But we didn't really hear them.

We figured that was the road of the generic volunteer and we weren't generic. We were ambitious! We knew what our community needed before they did! We were going to jump in head first and start swimming full speed ahead. Those generic volunteers could take their two years to accomplish what we would accomplish in one. No sweat.

Except they were right. We did jump in head first. And we were ambitious and had the best interests of our communities in mind. But there is no amount of passion or determination that can help your community as much as knowing them inside and out. And that doesn't just mean knowing all the little pathways between every house, knowing the names of all your neighbors, and knowing who is related to who, and how. It's about living every day in your community, sharing stories and listening to people talk. It's about being at the big events, like your host mom's sister's neighbor's son's christening and chatting with people about what's going on in their lives. You can spend everyday of your first three months in your community doing those things but it isn't until you've been there a year that you really become a fixture instead of that girl that smiles a lot but doesn't understand what you're saying.

There are always things going on in my community, always things to participate in, and I could be busy every single day if I wanted to be. In my first three months, I was. I've helped with all sorts of different things and had a great time doing it. But it wasn't until just last month, after a year and a half in my community, when a woman came up to me and asked me to help her woman's group become official, that I finally felt like I had become the volunteer I intended to be. I've taught Girl Scouts to make friendship bracelets, I've read kids books out loud, and I've acted as town photographer. I've done beach clean-ups, AIDS presentations, and youth focused leadership seminars. But this was the first time I really felt like I was a Community Economic Development Volunteer and the best part was that it wasn't even my idea.

I may have felt like I knew my community by my 6th month, or even my third. But it took that year and a half for them to really know me. Language barrier aside, it took that long for them to really understand why I was here and how I could help. Even more than that, it took them that long to reach the trust, the confianza, with me to be able to come up to me and ask me for the support they needed instead of me having to guess and hope I was right.

When it rains, however, it pours and my months spent playing with Girl Scouts and reading in my hammock have morphed into a jam packed final four months in my community. But there is no other way I would rather leave in October than as an integrated and valued member of my community. Yes, Peace Corps service needs to be 27 months. Honestly, it could even be a little longer.

I Should Really Stop with the Counting...

As of today I am exactly 4 months and 2 weeks away from the end of my Peace Corps Panama life. Since my last post I have officially decided to go home in October. But knowing the exact number of days I have left (135) isn't particularly healthy. It's hard not to count, though. Things have started winding down for me here. Many of my friends have left already (we are now down to 23 from the original 42 that came to Panama in August 2007), my community projects are wrapping up, and I'm eager to get started on the next phase of my life. Though, honestly, I have no idea what that next phase involves other than spending at least a few months with my friends and family in Portland.

Anyway, what's new in Panama? The rainy season has begun with gusto. Every afternoon at 4pm there are torrential downpours that are beautiful to look at and listen to. During that time no one goes anywhere. Everybody just waits it out, no matter where you are. Often, if I'm stuck in Santiago at the time, I find myself the only person walking around in the rain, with my bright purple umbrella, while the Panamanians watch me from the store front wondering why the gringa is in such a rush and can't just wait.

There is no rush in Panama, ever. No one arrives at meetings on time because time doesn't particularly mean anything. If you're supposed to be somewhere at 9am you may leave your house at 8:45 but then you have to stop and talk to the neighbor about the weather, and you have to stop at your sister's husband's cousin's kid's house to ask how their baby is doing, and eventually you make your way to the meeting at about 11, which is about the time everyone else (except the American, who has been waiting 2 hours) also arrives. The American, though, has learned. She still shows up at the time the meeting is supposed to start, attempting to set a good example of time management, but she always has at least one book with her for the wait.

Speaking of books, I recently broke the 100 book barrier. When I got to Panama I started a running list of everything I read for a number of reasons. Primarily, I have a terrible memory. I often read books and then can't remember that I read them or what they were even about, let alone whether I would recommend them or not. This is, of course, not true for books that leave a lasting impression but how often do we read books of that caliber? I also had a goal of reading 100 books in two years, which I've now done. But I'll keep reading anyway. There is nothing so wonderful as reading a good book in my hammock during that torrential afternoon shower.

Right now I'm reading The Omnivore's Dilemma, which is pretty fascinating. It's all about where our food comes from and how many steps it takes to get from the farm to our table. I definitely recommend it if only because we should all be more aware about those things that impact our lives to the extent that our food does. I also recently read Atlas Shrugged, which I definitely recommend. Next on my list is Freakonomics, followed by my personal mountain- War and Peace. A friend of mine read War and Peace during our 10 weeks of training back in 2007 and then passed it on to me. It has been sitting on my shelf ever since. I promised myself I would not leave this country without having tackled it and time is getting short...

Other than a lot of reading in my near future, I'll also continue to work with my youth groups. Pretty soon we will start the photo selection process for the 2010 VAC Calendar (which will be available for purchase online with 100% of proceeds going to benefit volunteer projects here in Panama). It's hard to get too pumped about too many new projects, though, knowing that I have so little time left. And then I will be back in the land of my native tongue, with running water whenever I want it. Oh, how nice it will be to have water. (Odd that I so often don't, considering the insane amount of rain that falls everyday).

Anyway, as per my routine these days, I've saved my photos for the end. Hopefully next time I'll have something more interesting to say. I always feel so rushed when I'm on internet. I think my life here is more interesting than it seems in my blog but who knows. Maybe I'm deluding myself... :)

In April we had an All Volunteer Conference where all ~150 Volunteers in Panama get together to participate in different activites. We had round tables and sector conferences, as well as social events to get to know each other better. It was fun, but a lot of work. My BFF CoCo and I were on the planning committee for the event and we were running around like crazy the two weeks prior, trying to get everything ready.

Deb, me, and CoCo on the first day of the All Volunteer Conference (AVC).

During AVC we had a talent show and one of the Volunteers invited a dance group from his town known as the Diablos Sucios (Dirty Devils). Their masks are really colorful and creative and their dance is really entertaining.
At the end of April Dennis turned 24 and we had a small party for him at my house. About 12 people came and we played poker and hung out in Atalaya. Above: Dennis (in his birthday crown), Jen (in her Poker Tour Crown), Franco (in his Las Minas Poker Tour Crown), and Adam (also Crowned).
At the beginning of April I went up to Dennis' site again with Shawn and we walked out to a beautiful river to go swimming. Part of the way we walked along this living fence, which are very common throughout Panama.
This is the river we swam in. The water was perfect and nice and deep for diving off the huge rock in the middle.
Another living fence, this time with palms. It's so tropical looking, I love it.
To celebrate a bevy of May birthdays a group of us headed out to Bocas del Toro, a province in northwest Panama that is on the Carribbean. There is a large grouping of beautiful islands out there and I had never been. The above is a photo of a school in Almirante (the port town on the mainland). I just thought it was cool that a school would have a dock. How cool to go to school by boat.
Group Photo Time! In the trees- Pete, Danny, Franco. On the ground- Shawn, Me, Dennis, Jen (behind Dennis), Whitney, Deb, Mic, Steve, Patrick (on the tree), Lydia, and Captain (on his knees)
Red Frog Beach. The water was perfect.
Dennis and his boogey board.
A red frog! He was tiny (smaller than a quarter) and ridiculously cute.
This is the sick little puppy I wanted to take home with me. He followed us around the beach.
This starfish was pretty big. At least a foot, probably bigger.
Adam, Dennis, Captain, and Shawnito are the Volunteers I spend the most time with. We all live pretty close to each other and are a dysfunctional family. Unfortunately, Captain (in the middle) left us in mid-May to go back to Los Angeles. We miss him.
Manequins in Panama are well-endowed. It's pretty funny. They are also typically very scantily clad.

In Athen's Pizzeria in Panama City a couple of weeks ago D got a huge gyro. It was pretty amazing, I hear.

Ahh, this is the scorpion I found in my bedroom last week. He seriously creeped me out, especially since he was heading towards my bed (which is on the floor) right after I found a gigantic ant in bed with me. I don't have issues with ants but the fact that a huge one had penetrated my mosquito net left me seriously concerned that the scorpion would also be granted access. So, with my heart pounding feverishly, I jumped out of my net, ran for my can of Raid, sprayed the hell out of him (to no avail) and chased him around with a shoe, finally squishing him before he could attack. Drama.

My friend Liz, who visited me last July, recently sent me a package in the mail. She rocks. She sent sunflower seeds (so awesome! They don't sell them in this country), and books, and magazines, and a ton of little things. But the greatest thing was a bag of thread. Three days later I got together with some of my Girl Scouts and taught them how to make Friendship Bracelets, U.S. style. They had never seen bracelets like the ones that we all grew up making so it was a lot of fun to show them how to do it.

My host mom, Gudelia, also got in the friendship bracelet making spirit. She was pretty funny. She tried to do it without listening to the class. Then, when I came over and laughed and had her take it apart she very sternly told the girls, "this is what happens when you don't pay attention. You make an ugly bracelet." She picked it up quickly after that and hers turned out nearly perfect. :) Thanks Liz!!!

6.5 Months and Counting

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. The past 20 months have been spent living mostly in the moment, enjoying the freedom to do what makes me happy- be it reading books in my hammock, playing with the kids in my youth groups, spending time with other volunteers, or pasearing (~visiting) with people in my community. The time flew by and suddenly everyone is applying for jobs or grad school, making all kinds of plans for when they get back to the States. But mentally I'm still sitting in my hammock.

The past month I've thought a lot about extending my service with the Peace Corps. I miss home, and I miss my family and friends more than I can express, but I love my life here. I love the people I've met and all of the things I've experienced. I'm not in any rush to get back to the United States. Obviously I wouldn't extend just to extend. I would stay only if I felt that my work here was continuing to aid the people of Panama, while also challenging and fulfilling me.

I thought I had found what I was looking for in the HIV/AIDS Coordinator position. Usually a position held by a 3rd year Volunteer, the HIV/AIDS Coordinator travels the country, working with Volunteers in various communities helping host Health Fairs. They are an excellent resource for other Volunteers, many of whom aren't familiar with giving presentations on HIV/AIDS, Domestic Abuse, Sexual Reproduction, Family Planning, etc, especially in Spanish. They also keep in constant contact with local agencies like Panama's Red Cross and local health organizations. My favorite part of my service has been the many HIV/AIDS fairs that I have participated in, particularly those focused on young teens. I think the work, if I stayed, would be immensely rewarding and enjoyable.

The problem is that it looks like funding for the position may not be available until October, which would require a one-year extension on my part. Originally the job would have started in March, ending in March 2010, meaning I would have only been extending an additional 5 months. Now, though, the idea of not returning to the U.S. until October 2010 seems daunting. Like I've said many times, I love it here. But if I stayed until October 2010 I would have been in Panama for 39 months. I'm just not sure I have it in me.

As of this moment, right now, I am fully intending to go home in October of this year. A week ago I thought I would try to stay. Next week, who knows? I don't have to decide until August but I can't help but think about it often. Am I ready to go home? Am I ready to (try to) find a job in a struggling economy, to go back to the rat-race of climbing ladders and being better than the Joneses? Life is so calm and slow-paced here. Am I ready to give that up?

On the same note, could I really stay another 12 months? I am 27. If I extended I would be 29 when I got home. I still want to go to grad school. Someday I might like to start a family. I'm not getting any younger, that's for sure. But then again, what's one more year in the scheme of things?

So I go back and forth, back and forth, running the pros and cons through my head. Many of my friends are extending, and many of them are leaving. My friends and family in the states have been supportive when I've talked about extending, most citing the ridiculous economy as a good reason to stay away. I guess only time will tell. I have to decide by August and I think my decision will be made right at the deadline.

Anyway, enough with me and my indecisive rambling. Here are some photos (in very random order) to enjoy! My friend Kelly, who "Early Terminated" last August came back to visit her old community and her Peace Corps buddies this month. We got together in Santa Clara, a beach on the Pacific Coast. This is a shot from the walkway near our condo. The weather was perfect throughout her entire visit and it was great to see her again.
As many of you know, I have a bat, named Murci (short for murcielago, which means bat in Spanish) who lives in my shower. As it turns out I have more than just Murci and recently found one of his friends dead and decomposing on my shower floor. Awesome, right? He must have died up in the rafters and then fallen down after a suitable time in order to be nice a gross when I found him. The only downside for Kelly's visit was how cold the ocean water was. Normally like bath water, it was definitely chilly when we jumped in. And it turns out that the cold water is perfect for jellyfish. Kelly's friend got stung and later we saw the above styrafoam container full of jellyfish just sitting on the beach. We decided to give the ocean another try anyway but when a jellyfish about a foot in diameter started swimming towards me I freaked out and decided to stay out of the water for the rest of the trip. As I mentioned, my favorite work-related activity is giving HIV/AIDS fairs. I recently participated in one (though didn't present anything) on an island in the Pacifc. Above is Jim, talking about the male reproductive system.
And here is Robby, discussing the perils of alcohol abuse, a rampant problem in many rural communities.
This is la Puente de las Americas (Bridge of the Americas) which crosses the Panama Canal at the Pacific mouth. The Interamericana (the highway that runs from the the United States, through Mexico, and all the way down Central America) also crosses the canal here.
We recently discovered that our good friends Matt and Lisa, from Kinderhook, NY, are pregnant with a little Peace Corps baby! Dennis and I got them a traditional Ngäbe dress for the little one. Today I said goodbye to them. Lisa is being sent home (can't be pregnant and serve in the Peace Corps for obvious reasons) and her husband will Early Terminate to be with her. We'll miss them a lot, as I'm sure will their community.
The other day I was sitting in my house and heard loud noises in my yard. Sometimes the kids play in my fruit trees so I figured it was just them, but after a bit it didn't seem right. So I went outside and there were about 15 cows wandering around, trimming my lawn. Since then they've escaped their field back behind my yard and paid me a number of visits. I love their big floppy ears. I just like this tree, with it's big fan-like leaves. It's pretty.
Pete, Logan, Joanna, and I at the beach. Fried Yucca! I had no idea I would like it so much. Even better than french fries or patacones. This spider was in my bedroom. He was the second one that I had found in my room in less than a week. Sometimes I think about getting rid of my mosquito net because there aren't many mosquitos in my house and it's really hot inside my net but then I come across things like this guy and decide that the net is definitely staying.

That's it for photos and comments from me. I hope everyone is doing okay wherever you may be and that we get to see each other soon. Love from Panama!